Thursday, October 15, 2009

Not "Getting Over It"

My trip to the library last week included an encounter with a woman who was in one of the after care (after chemical dependency treatment) groups I facilitated as a volunteer over 20 years ago. I know she was a family member, not a patient, but that's all I really remember about her - except that I liked her. She said that her husband had died unexpectedly about 5 years ago. She added that she was doing well - that we don't "get over" a significant death like that - we just get used to it. I thought that was the best way of putting the truth that I've ever heard. I used to get secretly very angry when I heard that I was supposed to "get over" the deaths of important people in my life. I thought that they were crazy to say that - that they obviously had never experienced what I had. I was probably right. I am not plagued by overwhelming grief every day but that's because I've gotten used to the loss. But I still think about those people nearly every day and I still miss them every single day. What else should we expect if the people we lost were wonderful people?

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