Thursday, July 28, 2011


Montana golden rod.  Smells as pretty as it looks.
Motel in Billings, Montana.  Flew into Billings because there are no airports anywhere near Lame Deer.
Close up of the gorgeous petunias at the Billings motel.
Horse at the Billings airport.  Not real, of course.  Why is there a horse at the airport?

Here's the only pic that came out that I took at my birthday bash (celebration of decrepitude).  After this one is my birthday at the family birthday - both my grandsons and mine.  We're at Olive Garden and I'm eating who knows what.  After that is a picture of my dentist's garden outside his office.  I want one like that at my house.
I want a lavender garden like this one in my yard instead of a neighbor's yard.

Friday, July 22, 2011


Twice I've been able to go see my dear friend in Montana since he moved there.  Each time it's been a joy to catch up with him and know that he's enjoying himself there.  That's why I go.  The perk, however, is getting to enjoy the incredible landscapes.  On this trip the faces of the rolling hills were covered with flowers - I think it was Golden Rod - and the air smelled like smoky, flowery incense.  The inhabitants of this lovely place didn't seem to realize the scent - I asked what the lovely smell was and they looked at me strangely and didn't answer.

The Northern Cheyenne Tribe was having a four day Pow Wow on the July 4th weekend.  (The federal government transferred the Cheyenne tribe to Oklahoma where the Southern Cheyenne tribe still is.  Part of the tribe escaped and went back north - thus the Northern Cheyenne.)  There were tee pees everywhere.  I'm guessing there were several thousand people camped on the Pow Wow grounds.  I've been to Pow Wows in Oklahoma and this one was similar except it was outside.  Since it is much, much cooler in Montana than here, the outside venue was pretty much perfect except that campers probably needed lots of blankets at night since 58 degrees was the usual temperature.  I did not take picture.  My feeling was that I was a guest there - one of the only white people - and guests don't take pictures to take home and exhibit the natives.

As soon as I download my camera, I'll post the very few pictures I did take.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Fear of Being Taken Advantage of

One of the many times I've been in counseling, the counselor said my greatest problem was that I was "gullible."  In other words I hadn't learned to take care of my best interests around other people - that I just trusted everybody whether they were trustworthy or not.  That, of course, led to constant resentment.  I was just chronically bursting with - first, anger; then rage.  After I got into recovery, my sponsor taught me how to handle myself around other people. 

First of all, she said, my source of love, safety, and really everything, was my Higher Power.  I could safely let go of all that fear of being taken advantage of because I was going to learn how to take care of myself.  For one thing, I needed to let go of all my expectations of others and how they needed to treat me and become dependent on my Higher Power instead of other people.  My HP would send the right people to me when I needed them.  This would mean that I was an independent person in the world - I was in the care of a perfect being who would not let me down.  Then she taught me that I could treat people the way I wanted to be treated which in turn teaches people how to treat me.  People who did not treat me well could simply be avoided rather than my becoming outraged about it.  My "rules" about how other people were supposed to treat me could be dumped in the trash because everyone has their own rules and weren't likely to follow mine.

For the most part I've been able to live in peace with other people.  It's hard sometimes and I need a lot of reminders and support from other recovering people, but I am very grateful.

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