Saturday, September 05, 2009


"Surrounded by so many ....friends, the so-called loners tell us they no longer feel alone." Bill W.

For a large part of my life I was lonely - even when I was with people. There were a lot of reasons for that - mostly that I felt unworthy. But once I was in recovery and began my relationship with a Higher Power, I found that one of the miracles was that I no longer felt lonely - even when I was alone for long period of time. It was one of the promises made to me in the first few days of recovery - you don't have to be alone any more.

As Ron's health problems grew worse, I began to live again with the fear of being alone. I felt I had found the right person to be with and it looked as if he wasn't going to be sticking around. I managed to frighten myself badly. I really wasn't sure I could make it on my own.

Another one of the gifts of recovery has been an amazing growth in my intuition. When I woke up in the hospital after that horrible wreck, I saw a room full of friends. I knew I was not alone and that I would be all right. I also knew that Ron was not going to be all right but that it was time for him to leave the earth. It hurt badly but I knew I would be all right.

This is the weekend anniversary of the wreck (on Monday). I have a certain amount of dread of anniversaries. I have a tendency to relive the event. The way it has worked out is that I've had company for part of today - a friend from my recovery program and a friend of his. I look forward to the rest of the weekend and whatever it brings. I am not lonely.

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