My friend Paul and his friend at lobby day at the State Capitol. All the odd-looking people probably scared the legislators rather than convincing them not to cut funding. I hate to say that but it's probably true.

Lobby day at the State Capitol. I took this picture outside as people were in line to get in. Over 1,000 people came. I would have loved to do some make overs on some of the folks so that they didn't look so odd.

Brenda and friend at lobby day for people with developmental disabilities at the State Capitol. She will kill me if she sees this pic. I caught her as she was talking.

I took this picture inside of a restaurant. Don't remember which one, unfortunately. It's a wood carving and well done I thought.

365 Project

About three years ago someone trimmed this tree so that it was in the shape of a Christmas tree and the branches were very short. I was convinced that the tree would die. But here it is looking fabulous.

Writing

My memoir writing class is finished and I'm left with 10 or so stories - more than half of them to be through the revision process based on the feedback I got. The opportunity to do this class just came out of the blue and I'm very grateful. I learned so much about how to approach writing these stories as well as some bad habits I have of leaving out important information, leaving readers puzzled. I got a lot of positive feedback from the teacher on my writing skills which gave me a lot of encouragement to continue with this project.

Of course, my blogs have been neglected as a result of the time I spent writing stories. I tend to think writing is just something I should do in my spare time. But after taking the class I think I should make it my work and arrange the time to work every day. Another thing I got from the class is that I really love writing. It's a pleasure even when it's very hard. That helps a lot. I have the feelling that the next few months and, possibly, years I will be working to finish the stories I have to tell. I have no earthly idea what I willl do with them. At this point I think it will become clear what to do as I work.

365 Project - this week

You will notice that there are no pictures posted here. That's because I forgot to take them. Grrr. So here's what I missed.

- I should have taken a picture at the press conference we had commemorating the 25th anniversary of the filing of our class action lawsuit that resulted in a system of services for more severely disabled people. It didn't get a lot of play on the news but whatever. This is the year that the institution will be torn down - maybe we can try again then. We want to take every opportunity to try to persuade the public to believe that our sons and daughters are human beings and deserve to be treated as such.

- I should have taken a picture with my son, Minky, and myself at our mother's day lunch. He had picked out a terrific present for me and he had fish and chips at applebee's like I always do.

- I should have taken a picture with Lynn, Kristin and myself at our mother's day lunch. We would have had to get it in between Kristin's melt downs but it was great that they came out even though Kristin wasn't feeling that great.

- I should have taken a picture of Kristi and myself at the newly expanded Cherry Street Farmers Market. I came home with a bunch of plants and spinach and cilantro. The best part was getting to re-connect with Kristi. She has been in school and working and has been in love.

Addiction

"We don't want to eat hot fudge sundaes as much as we want our lives to be hot fudge sundaes. We want to come home to ourselves. We want to know wonder and delight and passion, and if instead we've given up on ourselves, if we've vacated our longings, if we've left possibility behind, we will feel an emptiness we can't name. We will feel as if something is missing because something is missing - the connection to the source of all sweetness, all love, all power, all peace, all joy, all stillness. Since we had it once - we were born with it - it can't help but haunt us. It's as if our cells remember that home is a jeweled palace but we've been living as beggars for so long that we are no longer certain if the palace was a dream. And if it was a dream, then at least we can eat the memory of it."Geneen Roth. Women Food and God.

She is writing about food addiction, of course, but this is a beautiful description of what all addicts experience, I believe. The chemical, behavior or whatever else the person is addicted to either creates a simulation of what we need to fill the emptiness or at least numbs us to our longing. My dear sponsor, Joanie, used to say, "they don't call it 'spirits' for nothing." So the answer is to return to ourselves and whatever power we call God - not an easy journey - but in my opinion, there's nothing else that really matters in life.

365 project

I joined a gym. Free tanning, free massage chairs. Maybe a little exercise too.

The Slides at the water park just a few blocks from my house. They are all freshly painted and ready for business when the park opens soon. A very long time ago, Ron and I made several trips up and down these slides just to say we had!

365 project

My manicure still looks great and the flowers Thein put on my ring finger still look fresh.

A bar on Peoria. If you're bald, a good place to go on Tuesdays

A cat at the Humane Society. She's the lucky one; she lives there all the time.

Big ole dogs. It takes a long time to find them homes, the Humane Society says.

The little dogs looking for homes at the Humane Society.

Writing

Well, so much for being fine with constructive criticism. The last two stories I wrote for class, got torn up pretty good. I found myself wanting to change the whole climate of them so that they were "sweet" and would get approval. The suggestions for improvement were very good, but I felt like the hard line I took in both of them was what drew the criticism. However, I will take the suggestions and revise, but they still will not be sweet!

Being the Best

Yesterday I talked to Alexis who is the new home supervisor for my son and his roommate. Both of them are disabled and need to have help 24/7 although they work and take care of the housework, etc. Alexis is responsible for seeing that they get to work on time, get to the doctor, get to their other activities, etc. As I was talking to her she said that she told the agency she works for that she wanted to be the best home supervisor they'd ever had. That idea really appeals to my imagination. It's not the first time I've heard it. I was at a conference once where the interpreter for people who were deaf was just amazing. I talked to him and he said he had decided to try to be the best interpreter there ever was. You could certainly tell that this was his ambition. Then Coach Broyles (Arkansas) and his daughters had the same ambition in caring for Mrs. Broyles who had Alzheimer's. The results were amazing.

Now I'm trying to figure out how I can use this idea for myself. What do I want to be the best at? More later.

Reflections on the 365 Project

I think there are only a few weeks left since I started the 365 Project - My Life in Pictures (A picture a day). In the beginning it was just unmitigated fun. I had no trouble finding subjects for pictures, and I thought the project was the most fun ever. As time went on, I noticed that I was running out of ideas for pictures. When you go to the same places, and do the same things over and over... Well, you get the idea. So I started really working at it, looking for subjects for pictures everywhere I went. This was very productive. But then even that ran out. So I started taking pictures of boring stuff on boring days. I think there were several pictures of my bed. Finally I just quit taking pictures unless there was something that life presented me with that was "picture worthy." The result of that was that since I wasn't thinking about taking a picture every day, I missed some cool pics. In desperation I looked at some other 365 Project blogs. I found that lots of people had hit that wall. Some had just gone ahead and taken boring pics. Other people went out of their way every day to hunt for pictures. My energy levels are such that spending an hour or two a day looking for something to take a picture of, just wasn't realistic. So, since then I've just been playing it by ear and seeing what happened. I still carry my camera everywhere and take pics when I see something I want a picture of.

In conclusion, I have no conclusion - except that I'm going to continue doing the 365 Project because it alerts me to things in my life that are memorable and fascinating that need to be preserved. Plus I get to share them with whoever checks out this blog and maybe they'll enjoy them too. My intention still is that I'm going to look for a picture to take every day - even if I don't find one.

Surgery

One of my sponsors told me yesterday that after doing the Drop the Rock book study, she felt like she had had surgery and wasn't yet healed up. She said it for me! I'm experiencing a sort of hang over from the study. My character defects are "in my face." I feel okay and grateful for being able to see some things about myself that I sort of knew but paid no attention to. I've been in recovery long enough that when I see this stuff I don't immediately take a nose dive into shame and think I'm such a bad person that I should do the world a favor and kill myself. I do feel fairly unsettled and know I've got to start working on the change. I don't believe God's intention is for me to become perfect so I don't feel that pressure. I'm just aware that I'm still a very self-centered person that needs work. Another of my sponsors said that the program is the only place where the more that's wrong with you, the more we love you. It's true!

Writing

I'm taking a class in memoir writing because I thought it would help me do the writing I've intended to do for a long time. People tell me I should write down the stories I tell all the time. So...Anyway, I'm really enjoying the class. There are some really good writers in the class and they are finally giving me some good feedback - some I agree with and some I don't, but I get a chance to see how what I write comes across to other people. Without that I'm just in the dark about whether I'm doing good or not. I was a little nervous about being constructively criticized but I'm finding it pretty easy to take. I guess years of self-examination - and I'm my worst critic - has helped with this too.

365 Project

New bedspread and pillow. - my constant effort to make my life a little brighter. This is bright!

Results of the closet clean-out. All these are going to be donated. Supposedly, spiritually, if you give away stuff you don't use anymore, this act makes room for any changes you are trying to make in your life.

Tammy with her wedding shower cake.

Gas fireplace where the flames are coming up through little bits of colored glass - at the gorgeous home where my friend, Tammy's wedding shower was held.

One side of the table at the class of '59 luncheon.

One side of the table at the class of '59 luncheon.

Friend, Dorothy and myself at the Homelife fundraiser.

Lynn and Kristin and the merry-go-round at the Grapevine mall. (First trip to visit Russells for Lynn and Kristin).

Oklahoma sky on the way home from visiting the Russells plus Thien.

365 Project

My non-Easter lily I got at Home Depot for $1.00 the Monday after Easter.

365 Project

Bridget (and Christine's hand) shredding paper on her first day on her volunteer job.

Opening your heart

The above title is the concept for the week from Melody Beattie's, 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact. This week she began with a story about a friend of hers who was befriended by a guy in the program when she was in the first stages of recovery. She was pretty much a wreck, and this guy gave her encouragement, rides to meetings, money, food, etc. - all without making any moves on her or expecting anything else either. Then she lost track of him. The story was that he had relapsed. She was walking down the street one day and saw a begger sitting on the sidewalk, obviously stoned, with long dirty hair and beard. Something caused her to look closely and she saw it was the guy who had been so much help to her. Ever since, Melody says, they both give money to beggars, because who knows what kind of beautiful people they really are underneath their appearances.

I'm pretty cynical and I never give money to beggars. I'm always kind of on the alert not to be made a fool of. So, now Melody has messed up my self-satisfied stance on a whole lot of things. More will be revealed. But for sure I'll probably be giving money to beggars.

Seven things

Every once in awhile I'm reminded of the 7 things I learned about in a workshop on Buddhism. I can't find these things in any description of Buddhism. They are definitely not the 8 Noble Truths or anything like that. But what I learned in the workshop is that these are the things all human beings experience and yet we all act like they don't. We get very upset about them happening to us or to anyone we love. We cause ourselves vast unnecessary suffering because we resist the truth. Acceptance would not take away the pain of them but would eliminate the unnecessary suffering.

1. Pain
2. Illness
3. Old age (if we're lucky to live long enough)
4. Bereavement
5. Death
6. Violated expectations (disappointment)
7. Failure of happy moments to last

Learning this has been a huge help to me. I really love remembering that I have lots of company with alll the so-called tragic stuff that's been in my life. I've still had a broken heart because of the deaths of people I love, old age is certainly not for sissies, I know about pain and illness, disappoints happen almost every day as do happy moments that don't last. None of that stuff feels good. But I no longer have the urge to whine incessantly. Thank you, God, and Buddha!

Surrender

"Surrender. The place that those of us on a spiritual path call home.
Not only is it sweet, there's no place llike it, as Dorothy told us in The Wizard of Oz." Melody Beattie. 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact.

Sure enough, surrender is the answer to pretty much everything. When I started asking for God's will for the to-do list problem, it started to diminish and almost disappear. I began to see more clearly that I don't accept my physical limitations nor time limitations and try to impose my will. So I'm always disappointed in myself. When I wake up in the morning, I usually feel anxious about all the things I need to do. It's a habit. I've always had it. I'm always behind (procrastination), so there's always more to do than I can do. But I still try to figure out how to get it done. At age 68 (almost 69), it works badly - a lot more badly than in did when I was in my 20s. Time to let go!

365 Project

The kitchen sink with flowers. Always a happy sight for me.

Views of the walls at the Performing Arts Center

The geese at LaFortune Park are happy about the spring weather!

Why is there a statue of a moose in LaFortune Park? I have no idea.

Trees like this are blooming all over Tulsa.

Fabulous art work on my friend, Caryn's breakfast room wall - all done by her children.

My dear friend, Georgeana, and me. She was a volunteer with the Association beginning the first year I worked there (1997), and we worked together on many, many projects in the 11 years I worked there.

Here's Ruth and myself at her going away party. She's moving to Chicago to be Vice President of Programs for the national Association. Since I hired her to replace me, I'm talking all the credit.