Sunday, October 17, 2010

I Always Need to Hear What I Have to Say

Short update:  It's been a week since whatever happened happened.  Eric thinks I popped the ball out of my artificial hip and it (luckily) popped back.  I think he's right.  In that process it would have moved all my hardware around because everything is attached, which would explain why my leg and hip are sore.  I saw my regular doctor on Monday who read me the riot act for trying to tough it out and not going to the emergency room.  He says I need to go back and see the hip doctor and wrote me a script for physical therapy so they can assess where I am now.  I am feeling much more humble.  This week I've been back to sleeping 11 hours every day.  I'm okay with that.  It's probably happening from a need to heal.  The good thing is I go to sleep about 10 and wake up about 9 so I'm asleep and awake at regular hours at least.

Recently I've been dealing with people who are suffering from their own judgmentalness about other people.  Since that's an issue I'm dealing with right now myself (I don't like how I make negative comments about other people), I have had to think deeply about my own experience - what has helped me and what hasn't.  I know, for example, the more I'm criticising other people - even if it's just inside my own head - there's almost a 100% chance I'm hiding my self-judgment from myself.  A lot of spiritual teachers say that whatever I see in someone else, I have myself - "If you spot it, you got it."  The solution is to own my own faults and ask for help from a Higher Power to correct them. 

I love what Marianne Williamson suggests:  "Ask for a healing.  Ask to experience your own angelic nature, that you might see beyond someone else's behavior to the angel, however, wounded, within them."

If I want love, I can give love.  If I want people to not judge me, I can stop judging them.  (They intuitively know when I'm judging them even if I'm keeping my mouth shut - which I usually don't.)  All my time and energy really should go toward dealing with myself with the help of God.  My mission on earth, like I believe everyone's is, is love and forgiveness.  Of myself, of "them,"  Of all of us.  A very, very big job.

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