Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Stuff that it's a Very Bad Idea to do in Relationships, Part 2

I have learned that people (including me) hate, hate, hate being told what to do.  For me, at least, I think it relates back to being criticized.  I react as though they're telling me I'm wrong to be doing what I'm doing and that I should be doing something else.  I hate, hate, hate that.

The thing is, I tell other people what to do.  They hate, hate, hate that!  I have an excuse - the last two jobs I had I supervised people and it was my job to direct their activities.  Also, I sponsor people and since they ask for my input, I end up telling them what to do.  This is a very bad habit.  What works much better is for me to share my experience.

I really don't believe there's ANY need for us humans to try to tell each other what to do.  For one thing, we're all very different and what one person should do is not what another person should do.  Usually, though, the reason one person is bossing another person is to get that person to do what they want.  Bossing them is terribly ineffective though.  Asking politely works soooo much better.

The trigger that starts me telling someone what to do is when they're complaining about something.  So I am working on reminding myself that they're probably just making conversation.  So much of our human conversation consists of complaining.  I can do my part by responding sympathetically and by not complaining myself.

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