Sunday, April 10, 2011


One of my readings this week said that when I turned my life and will over to the care of God in the third step, I gave up worry.  Hmmm.  Well, I didn't give up worry.  I kept on with some of my worries - I feared that Ron's health would continue to deteriorate and that he would die and leave me.  I didn't think I could handle that.  Of course, that did happen and I did handle it.  The problem is that I spent around 20 years worrying every day that he was going to die.  When I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I always checked to see if he was alive before I got back into bed.  It's pretty obvious from this point of view that if I had let go and let God, I could have enjoyed having him in my life more than I did when I worried all the time. 

Either God is in charge or He isn't.  If he's in charge (which I'm pretty sure is true), then whatever happens, it's God's will.  I don't always like what happens.  In fact, I frequently don't.  But if God is a loving God and a force for good in the universe, then everything that happens is for the good - or at least God is powerful enough to use it for good.  Tall order.  But I'm working on trusting that this is the truth.

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