One of the things I'm most grateful for is the fabulous new stuff I learned in the beginning of recovery that I'm still using today. One of them is just a mind set change, really. If I'm having a problem - especially a problem with another person - the first place I should go to solve it is to myself rather than trying to get them to change. What a concept. I had no idea it was possible to solve a problem with another person by changing myself. Wow! Of course, at first I thought it was just crazy - if the other person is behaving badly, how could I solve the problem by changing myself? Well, nine times out of 10 it is possible and so much easier than trying to change another person or situation - which almost never works.
Example - I was at an event with a friend. The room was crowded so it started getting overly warm. The air conditioning went on which solved the problem - except for my friend who is cold-natured. She began to fuss about being cold - every few minutes. Finally I pointed out that she had a coat. She didn't put it on and continued to fuss about being cold. I just laughed and said, "I guess you would rather be cold and wait for them to change the room temperature than to put on your coat!" Then she did put on her coat.
The whole thing reminded me of what a gift it was to learn that the easiest way to solve any problem in the world is to change myself. I used to be just like she is - sure that the people who put the air conditioning on were wrong and wait for them to realize it and change while freezing to death myself. I sure suffered a lot until I learned that new idea.
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