Sunday, April 19, 2009

The past couple of days have been good examples of my life since the wreck. Thursday would have been my 23rd wedding anniversary. Practically everyone I know was taking off for Eureka Springs for the annual AA conference there. Ron and I were married there in 1986 just before the conference, and returned every year to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I have not been back since the wreck, but I will go one of these days. The day passed fairly uneventfully. I thought about Ron a lot and sent him love. On Friday I was the speaker at a group that most of the members go to Eureka. So I told my story to the small group that showed up. I can't really remember what I said, but it was good for me to do it. I'm so grateful for the programs of AA and Alanon since they are not only the foundation for my own life but also were the foundation for our marriage. The plan was for me to go to Dallas on Saturday to help celebrate my son-in-law's graduation with his Master's Degree. But I was pretty much incapacitated on Friday with the worst headache of my life and was just barely able to make it to do the talk. I was still down on Saturday (yesterday) and so didn't make it to Dallas. I just slept all day and all night and finally the headache went away. My life is like this - good days, followed by not so good days but where I'm partially functioning, and then days where I just don't function. I never know what the day will be like when I get up. I strongly suspect that the down days are reactions to the days when I function in spite of painful emotions. However, I have no conscious awareness when I'm doing it and only think of it afterward. So... today I am just where I'm supposed to be - I hope.

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