Aha

I have been frustrated a lot by the slowness of my recovery. It makes it difficult to plan ahead - even for just a few days. I am often too tired to actually make through all I've planned for a day. That's especially true if the day includes quite a lot of physical activity.

I'm a slow learner. It just occurred to me recently that instead of being caught in a place where nothing important can happen, I could use these times for spiritual growth. In fact, what I realized was that that was actually what I was doing. Hmmm.

On Mondays I have started meeting with a group of members of Ala-non that are studying the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now you might think I wouldn't have a lot to learn seeing as how I've been studying the book for over 25 years. But it's not so - I am learning a tremendous amount about how the information relates to my character defects as seen from the Ala-non side of the program. I've also been working on an Ala-non 4th Step (inventory step) since I've never done one in Ala-non. Before I embarked on that project, I had to finish doing the assignment given me by one of my Ala-non sponsors - to write about what I believed about my Higher Power (3rd Step). She's a stickler for detail so that project took several weeks. I ended up with a list of troubles that I wanted to give to God since I had been unsuccessful in dealing with them. I even wrote out in what way I would give them to God and how my behavior would change as a result. This turns out to be an ongoing, daily effort. I also meet monthly with a group of AA women to talk about our practice of the step of the month. This group has been meeting at my house since 1996. This is the 4th month so - of course, it's about the 4th step. This particular way of practicing the step is to inventory the contents of our thinking and list the fears we discover as a result. Then we look at the fears from the aspect of whether they are related to the past or the future; whether they are related to sex, security (emotional, financial) or society; and how we act out on those fears in relation to the seven deadly sins. Then on Thursday evenings I'm teaching a class for people in recovery on the topic of what do you do with your life once you've stopped drinking, using or being obsessed with someone else's addiction? It involves discovering the changes you want to make in your own behavior so that your relationships with others are improved. Even though I'm the teacher, I always use the material to inventory my life and relationships. There's more but I'm running out of time.

None of these activities require physical activity. I'm sitting down for almost the whole time. I can stop and start if I get tired. They take a tremendous amount of time. It's a daily chore just to get dressed, eat, take care of my personal business and get this stuff done. But it's a very, very good use of my time. And the best part is - I didn't even think it up myself. I just noticed after I was already doing all of it. Possibly a God deal.