Observations

When I was very young I was horribly shy and thought I was a very unlikeable person. So, of course, I was backward. Once I was in recovery my first sponsor just kept telling me that it wasn't about what other people thought of me. It was about what I had to contribute to others and whether I was asking for God's will in my life and trying to live it. She said my focus was self-centered which always leads to fear and upset. So, since I was tired of being fearful, I started trying to live the way she suggested. Of course I am pretty imperfect at it, but she was right - I am a happy person when I'm living that way.

Once in awhile, someone who is important in my life disapproves of me. It's only happened a very few times in the last 25 years since I've been in recovery. When it does, I always try to explain (defend myself), but it never has worked. So far, once they've made up their minds that I need to be straightened out, they stick with it. Once the person was my boss, and I finally decided that I was in that job to learn how to live with disapproval when I was as sure as was possible that my side of the street was clean. Eventually that situation got better when the person got feedback from other people that disagreed with her take on me. Once again I have an important person in my life disapproving of me. As far as I'm able to tell, my side of the street is clean. I don't like it but apparently I need another lesson in living with disapproval.