I see myself in other people and sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's not.
A long time ago I really thought that people were all like me so if they did stuff I didn't like I thought they were doing it on purpose to annoy or hurt me. That's very immature and borderline crazy I later learned.
Now that part of recovery is to share with other people my experience with using the principles of the 12 steps in my life, I still identify with the people I share with. I remember very well why and how I began to change how I thought and how I lived - I was hopelessly miserable and willing to do anything to get out of the emotional pain I was in. I forget that I'm somewhat wimpy and can't really take a lot of pain. I have a very low tolerance for it.
So I think, "Why is this person so resistant to changing their point of view and doing things differently?" I forget that although I imagine I would be living in hell in their circumstances, they might be doing okay and their complaining might just be their way of making conversation.
I actually consider myself lucky to be able to identify with other people - that's the good part of seeing myself in others. Maybe I'm also lucky that I have such a low tolerance for pain because I've been motivated to make a whole lot of changes that have led me to the beautiful life I have now.
Nevertheless, I sometimes have outbursts of amazement and say stuff like, "Oh my God! You must really be suffering!! Here let me tell you all about the ways I got out of suffering like that." Sometimes that's well received but a lot of times it's not. People think I'm criticizing them, the poor babies.
So, I just write posts like this and feel like I've done my duty to pass on what I've learned.
Here are a couple of things I've tried to give away recently that came back to bite me: If someone is taking advantage of me, I have choices. If I'm just complaining about it, I'm just as much at fault as the other person. I'm really creating my own misery. I have learned to do what I want, to give what I want, and if I stop wanting to give, I stop giving.
Also, if the people in my life act ugly to me or even just in my presence, I can go somewhere else. I have 100% of the control of how I'm treated by other people (which might partly explain why I've been married three times).
Of course, I have to pay attention to my own behavior too so that I don't take advantage of others and don't act ugly to them or in their presence. I've also learned if I do that, I attract what I put out there.
- ▼ May (3)
- ► 2014 (25)
- ► 2013 (50)
- ► 2012 (55)
- ► 2011 (113)
- ► 2010 (158)
- ► 2009 (218)
- ► 2008 (109)
- ► 2007 (51)