Friday, April 20, 2012

The Precious Gift of Serenity

Two weeks before the end of February I had my two week detox from the prison of the to do list I've lived in all my life.  I didn't kick it out of my life forever; I just quit making one for two weeks.  That eliminated the anxiety of trying to figure out what to do first and thinking that I had to do everything on it all at once or I was a failure.  Of course, I didn't rationally believe any of that, but some part of me kept on trying to make me believe it.  It was a weird two weeks.  I was just trying to get in touch with my intuition so as to be able to use that as my guide rather than my ego.  I was more peaceful but certainly more discombobulated.

Then I immediately went into the inner ear mess where I was completely disfunctional for over a month.  Boy oh boy did things ever get piled up.  So now I'm digging out.  Had to get an extension on my taxes.  My bookkeeping was two months behind.  Plus I hadn't written a word in I don't know when.  I had started on a major cleanout of closets, cabinets and drawers and was right in the beginning stages of that.  Without the detox from the to do list I would have been in a quandry at this point.  But I'm not.  I just do two or three things a day and then rest.  If I feel like more I do more.  If I don't, I don't.

Several months ago I started re-reading The Artist's Way as a way of breaking out of the writing slump I was in.  One of the major things it recommends is something called "morning pages" which is three pages written every morning in long hand just as quickly as possible.  The idea is to empty out all the thoughts that are in the way of the right brain which is the creative side of the brain.  I started the writing back at the end of December and have been fairly diligent since.  I've missed some days but the majority of the time I write.  I have been amazed at the crap that spills out of my head.  The longer I do the writing, the more quickly I get to the right side of my brain that's the part that tells me what I really want to do with the precious moments of each day.

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