Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Spiritual Awakenings I Have Had - #1

I heard a speaker say one time that all the spiritual awakenings she had were immediately preceded by rude awakenings.  Very perceptive.  I do have to add in all honesty that her perceptiveness and articulativeness didn't save her.  She relapsed and died a few years ago.  Just goes to show that being articulate and perceptive does not keep you sober.  She stopped working a daily program and that's what happened.

Anyway, the thing about rude awakenings is true for me too.  The very first awakening - both rude and spiritual - was when the very first counselor I ever saw told me to get the book, Your Erroneous Zones."  She said to read it and do what it said and I wouldn't need to see her any more.  Since I was completely at my wits end and was completely physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted from trying but failing to meet my overwhelming responsibilities, I immediately set out to read it as fast as I could from beginning to end.

It was, in my opinion, a very badly written book.  It also challenged my belief system.  As I read it, I occasionally threw it against the wall.  Finally the lights went on when I got nearly to the end of the book.  Contrary to what I had believed, the author said that I wasn't responsible for absolutely everything - that I could ask for help.  He also said that complaining did absolutely no good whatsoever.  Instead, he said, I should take responsibility for myself and start trying to solve whatever problems I was having.  Most importantly of all, he said, worrying about the future and feeling bad about the past was a complete waste of time.  Life is only happening in the present and that's where I should be living.

I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders and I felt as if I was capable of solving my problems.  I wish I could tell you that everything went well from that moment.  But it did not.  Unfortunately, I did not have a mentor to talk to to help me put the principles into practice.  The only thing I was able to do on my own was learn to center myself in the present by focusing on what I felt, saw and heard around me instead of focusing on my thoughts.  I was able to be "present" most of the time which felt absolutely lovely.  However, that didn't help me solve my problems.

 I did ask for help - in fact, I demanded it.  That didn't work at all and I was still left with the problems and now the people I demanded help from were pissed.  Even so I had periods of absolute joy being present, which is definitely at the heart of spiritual awakening.  I still have the skill of centering myself in the present no matter what is happening.  I think that the present is where God is and the present is the only place I can get in contact.

No comments:

Blog Archive