Loneliness

I used to be very lonely despite the love and companionship of friends and family.  I remember thinking how weird that was.  The problem was that I hid so much of myself for fear of being judged, that I knew no one knew who I really was.  I believed if they did know, they would not love me.  As a result I knew I actually was alone. 

My friend and spiritual mother, Joanie, heard my very first 5th step where I told all my secrets, and she didn't even flinch - in fact, she yawned a few times.  Right up until her death she knew everything about me and loved me anyway.  She taught me that I will always feel alone in the world as long as I pretend to be someone other than who I am.  She taught me that there will always be people in my life who will try to shame me for my imperfections but I can just agree with the truth that I have imperfections and refuse the shame.  From that day, I've never been lonely.  There are tons of people in the world now who know everything about me and love me anyway - including me.