Recently I've had occasion to struggle with questions about how to handle situations with other people that puzzled me. After talking to a couple of people and prayerful thought, the principles of the program kicked in again. I wish I could think of this tool before I have to wrestle with questions, but it just doesn't work that way.
What I remembered was something that my first sponsor began teaching me in the first year of my recovery. It took me quite awhile to get it, but when I use it and it works, I get all excited and thrilled because it will work 99% of the time and it doesn't require anyone but me to make changes. The thing is I keep forgetting to use the tool and have to be reminded.
There's the spiritual axiom - "Whenever I am disturbed, no matter what the cause, there's something wrong with me." Now, that doesn't mean that everything is always my fault like I thought in the beginning. It just means that I am one of the people involved in the problem so I had a part in it. All I need to do is figure out my part and do something different - probably something more loving and kind - and poof! the problem goes away.
I used this tool almost every day with my boss in my last job. I looked for my part in every difficulty I had with her and made quick changes. I improved my ability to communicate with her and made sure I did my best every day on the job. I did my best to treat her with respect. You know what? Improving my communication, doing my best and treating people with respect does wonders for my relationships with anybody. I learned more about money and how to handle it than I ever thought I could learn because my husband had big problems with it. Instead of looking at his mistakes, I decided to challenge myself to be better with money and it paid off big time!!
So - right now I'm working on improving my communication, doing my best and treating others with respect. I'm betting that this tool will work again.
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