Tuesday, March 08, 2011

I was born with this beauty inside me...

"Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness...until it flowers again from within..."  Galway. Kinnell.  Courage to Change.

My readings remind me that all my work on being more organized, etc. really doesn't make me the beautiful human being I was created to be.  Not that self-improvement is a bad thing; just that it's not a good idea to think that I'm only going to be okay when I reach goals.  I get confused easily on that.  Today I begin physical therapy again and I'm looking forward to finding some solutions to the chronic lower back pain I have.  They cured me once so I'm sure it will happen again.  I hope to find out what I need to do to prevent it.  Simultaneously, I'm fighting back against my periodic crashes into being a slug.  They tell me (the experts) that any stress, no matter how insignificant, can cause this.  I've had a lot of advice about going easy on myself in those times, however, I'm really sick of being at the mercy of unexpected crashes.  So, I'm trying to schedule them as well as finding other ways to take care of myself.  In the midst of my self-improvement efforts, I am remembering that I am already okay.

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