I can find my clothes

I had more to do this week than last week and I had more energy to do everything needed. Funny how that seems to work out! I'm feeling a little better every day. I've been off pain meds for a week and doing fine with that. Thanks to the help of friends, I'm gradually putting my house in order for my new circumstances. For example, I've had wardrobe issues bccause I couldn't find some of my clothes and couldn't reach the ones I could find. But today, everything is more or less in reach and the lost has been found.

Last night I celebrated my 25th Sobriety birthday and it was lovely. Guys from my group carried me up the stairs and back down again for the meeting. (the church rented out the gym downstairs to another group where we usually meet - grrr). The guys did a great job - didn't scare me a bit.

So many simple things to be grateful for.

Recovery

Up and down and grateful for weird things - that's recovery from surgery. Yesterday they took 38 staples out of my right leg and 6 out of my left leg. This is very good. Not so good - Dr. Dreamy held fast to my being grounded for another four weeks. No driving, no standing, no exercising my legs except for isometrics. Hmmm. I can do this.

Explanation

Interesting - sometimes I mentally forget the anniversary of my son's death 29 years ago but my body never does. That's the explanation for the broken hearted day but I didn't realize it until today.

It doesn't work to sit around with no purpose

Today was the day I didn't need to rest any more. I've been sleeping off the drugs but I'm finished. I tried to rest because I still felt like I needed to but I felt worse. Time to get up and do something even if it's just looking out the window at the beautiful sky!

Broken Heart

I'm not sure why - but I woke up (late) with that broken heart feeling I used to have all the time. It may just be the effect of narcotic pain meds. At any rate, when I got through taking medicine and eating a banana, it was just another day. Thank you, God.

I'm back

So grateful to be home! In my own bed. With my cat. With my own food. I feel a lot better. My legs are the same length. My left leg gave bone to my right. So I'm babying them both for awhile. All is well.

Here I Go

Tomorrow is the day before the surgery to fix the broken hardware in my leg and do another bone graft. I got the really important stuff done today - tan, manicure, trip to the hospital for pre-surgery stuff, trip to chiropractor to get my back straight before surgery, meeting with staff at the Association to map out a plan for a diversity outreach project. I know the tan and manicure sound frivolous but I've learned that the frivolous stuff makes me feel better. I'm out of some perfume that I love and I'm going to go get some tomorrow to take to the hospital. I am so very lucky - my friend who is a doctor will be here tomorrow and will go with me to the hospital and stay for three days and my oldest daughter will also be here. I am blessed even though my leg doesn't work. Also, tomorrow I will make some chili, vegetable soup and chicken breasts for the folks to eat while I'm gone. That will be comforting too.

Choices

We all make choices in our lives on a daily basis. We may not realize it, howeer, because these choices are too often unconscious and passive. We choose to accept the legacy of a dysfunctional upbringing and the confused understanding of intimacy we learned from our parents. We may choose to be victims of our emotions and sexual drives; and we may choose to remain trapped by self-defeating relationship styles and behaviors, even though these styles and behviors don't get us what we want. Getting Love Right. Terence Gorski

The work is never-ending. Plus it's hard to even find the information we need even if we notice we need it. After we get the informtion, then comes the hard, daily work of putting it into practice. But I am so grateful to be on the journey although it's incredibly hard!