Veterans

For all the years of the war in Afghanistan and Iraq I've wondered and wondered why there was no news coverage of the wounded. I thought maybe there was a restriction like there was on coverage of the return of the dead from the war zone. News reports said the administration requested no coverage for the protection of the families. Suddenly there's a special on CNN, and Oprah has a badly burned veteran on her show. So now I'm wondering: Why now? How would I find out?

Purple

I heard - I'm pretty sure on the radio - that Nancy Pelosi wore a purple suit the day after elections. The speculation was that since purple is a combination of red and blue (the Democrat and Republican colors), that she was signaling a new era of bi-partisanship. Now I'm going to wait and see if there are any comments on the colors of the ties of other male politicians. This is the first time in all the years that I've followed politics that the color of a government official's clothing was interpreted as a signal. I'm guessing it has something to do with sex - Nancy's, that is.

Gas Prices

Somewhere I heard that gas prices were going down because of the elections, and that they would go back up right after the elections. Some powerful people somewhere didn't want gas prices to affect the elections. I guessed that would be the Republicans. I thought, "Oh come on, nobody has the power and organization to control prices that tightly." Elections were Tuesday. Gas prices have gone up about .40 a gallon. Now I'm sort of scared.

After Surgery

I was prepared for everything except for the news I got after surgery. Apparently MRIs and Xrays are not all that reliable for showing what actual conditions are inside the body. My leg was much more damaged and much less healed than we thought, so instead of a 3 hour surgery, I had an 8 hour surgery with the attendant slower recovery. I had two big worries - how was I going to take care of myself when I had to stay at a 60 degree angle in a brace and was the femur ever going to heal (we thought it had been healing but it has not). Thank goodness the rehab center was able to teach me how to take care of myself. The answer to the second worry will come in time.

My plan was to get out of the hospital in 3 to 5 days, and then in about 3 weeks or so, start learning to walk. Instead I was in the hospital 3 weeks, and I'll not be walking until/if the femur heals. It took a few days to accept the change. My future plans will have to be based on the possibility that I'll be living a wheelchair lifestyle for the forseeable future. I can accept that. I was independent enough to do pretty much whatever I wanted, and I should be back to that in a few more weeks. I'm not crazy about being in a wheelchair for a long time, though. I'm always thinking about what the alternatives might be if my leg doesn't heal in a year or so.

I was glad to get home and be able to take care of myself! My lifestyle is still pretty dull, but I'm not suffering from boredom. I read, write, watch re-runs, pet the cat and occasionally go out with friends or have friends over. I am a lucky woman to have so many fabulous people in my life!

Tomorrow

It's surgery day tomorrow at 1:15. So I'm going to eat dinner very late since I won't be able to eat tomorrow. Other preparations have included a haircut, pedicure, physical therapy, chiropractic, prayer, affirmations. I'm all set. Also, the house is clean, laundry done, bills paid. It feels good to be prepared. Most of all I'm blessed with the love of family, friends, and cat, Cisco. He can tell something is going on so he's extra affectionate.

Computers

I don't understand why my home computer is dysfunctional more than functional. There's probably a book somewhere called, "Computers for Dummies" that I need to read. I'm dependant on other people to fix it every time it stops working which means long delays. It's actually been out of service more than it has been working during the past year. I miss my husband. He took care of all that. I miss him for big reasons and small. The computer is a small reason. But now I need to grow up and learn how to take care of it myself.

Language

I've been observing trends in language/slang for most of my life probably because my mother was an English teacher and she frequently commented on observations she made about how people talk. Several years ago I started saying "cool" about anything I thought was really wonderful. I picked it up from a woman I worked with who was very charismatic. It's a wonder I didn't pick up more from her! But now I'm really sick of saying "cool" about everything and I can't seem to stop. It's very annoying.

Another word that began to be commonly used a few years ago is, "absolutely." People seem to use it constantly as a synonym for "yes" when they want to put a lot of emphasis on the "yes." I hear it on television, at work, with friends.... I'm very tired of it too. I'm trying to think of a better synonym but so far no luck.

A new one I've just noticed is "at the end of the day" which seems to have replaced the phrase "when all is said and done." I just noticed it a few weeks ago and I'm already tired of it.

Surgery

Today I went to the hospital for my pre-op visit. All was well. I passed blood tests, EKGs, etc. I am ready to go except for the errands, laundry, and everything else I need to do so that I don't leave it for someone else.

Heart to Heart

I just returned from that annual retreat for women in recovery, and as usual, I feel as if I have a direction to guide me. It was somewhat of a challenge in an outdoor environment that wasn't designed to be wheelchair friendly. But thanks to friends and new acquaintances, all went well. As usual too, I slept quietly through the night without waking which is definitely not the way it goes at home. In a nutshell, I felt I received a kind of direction from both from my husband - wherever he is now - and from a higher power that it was time for me to take an in-depth look at how I am in relationships as well as what I should do next with my skills. Maybe I need to go to graduate school - seems a little silly at age 65, but not impossible. I'm certain I will become aware of more direction as time goes on. In the meantime, my mind is a little quieter.

Surgery is coming

It's been a year since the accident. All the healing that's going to take place has already taken place. So, in a couple of weeks, my surgeon will remove the dead bone and replace it with metal, plastic and wire. When he's finished, he tells me, I will be able to start learning to walk again. It won't happen right away since many of the muscles in my leg haven't had much exercise. It's going to take awhile to build them up so that I can walk.

A year ago I woke up in a different world - without my husband and without the ability to walk. I'm eager to have this surgery but I know I'm going to be waking up in a different world again. It's strange to have this somewhat conflicted feeling of eagerness and yet fear of the unknown. I'm so lucky to have friends and family to support me, which keeps fear to a very mild level.

what does this mean?

As a person in a wheelchair I have lots of opportunities to notice how people react. Men run to help me load or unload my wheelchair in the car, but they're lousy at getting out of the way. In elevators I have to point out that if they don't move, I might run over their toes, whereas women cut me a wide berth. Women hold doors and try to help me up ramps. The interesting thing is that frequently they are women with canes, and I fear for their safety. I'm not sure whether these observations mean something about the difference between men and women as groups or not. Certainly a year of observations probably doesn't give me a real statistical sample but it might be close. I plan to keep on watching. I am sure that on the whole people are very helpful AND I think men just defend their space more than women do.

Sunday Afternoon

This is the beginning of my commitment to write. Since I really don't like writing just for myself, this blog will give me the illusion (or maybe it will be true) of writing for an audience.

I'm in Dallas with my daughter and her family. My grandson, Adam, Is here for the week, and I took off work to visit with him a few days while he's here. His first job was to help me set up this blog.

In the last two days while visiting I've read two books - Divining Women by
Kaye Gibbons and Dispatches from the Edge by Anderson Cooper. Both of them were amazingly thought-provoking. Both of them seemed to me to be about victimization - how incredibly challenging it is to realize that evil does exist and I should respond effectively when I think I see it. But both books raised questions in me about the nature of evil and what an effective response would be.