The closing that's read at the end of one of the recovery program meetings I attend contains the above sentence. I love it because of its unfailing truth!
When I came into recovery I was in many, many very difficult situations and was extremely unhappy. I felt hopeless and helpless.
Very gradually the people of the program showed me how my situations could be bettered and my unhappiness lessened. That sounds like it was a lovely, delightful process. But it wasn't.
I actually hated every minute of that process. What I wanted was for them to tell me how to make the people change that I thought were causing my problems. I had very detailed stories about how wrong those other people were. But they didn't listen - they just pointed out that I had many possible solutions that did not involve anyone else changing but me. I felt accused of being at fault. I felt as if I was being told I should have already thought of the ideas they offered to me. I was sure they just really didn't understand how innocent I was and how guilty those other people were.
I didn't begin to open my mind until I had truly had all the pain I could stand and then I thought I might try some suggestions even though I still felt as if they really just didn't understand.
Lo and behold! Their suggestions worked. Over time I've realized that my resistance was really my ego wanting to always be right and wanting to blame somebody else for my problems.
I've come to understand that whenever I'm blaming and complaining, it's my ego trying to shield me from my own harsh self-judgments. I've forgotten that I am a child of God, with flaws but still a divine creation and that it's not my job to live in self-hate.
When I can (with the help of mentors) turn my attention to the question, "What can I do (with the help of God) to make my situation better," I find that I have many, many options for solutions and partial solutions.
The unexpected outcome for me is that I actually have a good time solving problems now. It's great entertainment. Thanks to things like "Google" I have a world of ideas open to me!
1 comment:
Oh my sister in recovery - you do not know how much I needed to hear this today! I just happened to see the picture of the snowy day, and clicked to read. My sponsor's husband likes to ask me "Was it an Odd thing or a God thing?"...it always makes me laugh. God is always with me, I chose to not let him in sometimes, and life gets really hard. It is currently very hard, but I think my ego is causing the most pain. I believe I will take a rest, and let God work on me for awhile. :) (Diana)
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