A couple of my friends were disappointed with what their children did for Mother's Day. It occurred to me that I have never been disappointed on Mother's Day, Christmas or my birthday or any other day since my early days in recovery.
I don't really remember how this happened - probably my dear first sponsor taught me - but I decided to have no expectations of anybody. The saying is, "Expectations are premeditated resentments (or disappointments)." For one thing I think our consumer culture puts pressure on us to outdo ourselves for the people in our lives on these holidays. If you don't conform, they tell you you are communicating a lack of love. Crap!
So if I have no expectations, anything that happens is wonderful.
My mother, on the other hand, was fixated on being critical of everybody's efforts to show their love for her on those "special " days. She griped all the time. Nothing was ever good enough and she let you know if incessantly. The result was that I disliked her more and more. If you want to get people to dislike you, accuse them of not treating you right.
I think holidays should be spent in enjoyment that I create for myself. If someone else shows up, that's great.
For whatever reason, somehow the thought came to me this year that Mother's Day would be a good day to find ways to mother mothers and to reach out to all the children in the world that don't have what they need. Cards, flowers, eating out - that's all fine. But mothers need support all year round. Plus we have a world where there are millions of children that don't even have enough to eat. What better way to celebrate than to contribute to solutions.
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