Not only do two Ding-a-Lings not make a bell; a rooster and a hen don't make a farm. I heard these sayings in a meeting the other night. They are funny, easy to remember and most of all, TRUE! I love it. So here's another thing that it's really, really a bad idea to do in relationships: go into a relationship with all your issues unresolved.
In trying to remember what I thought about my problems that I knew I had going into relationships, I am a little stumped because I didn't really think about it at all. I don't remember that I was ever taught or even heard that it would be a great idea to think about my issues and how they might affect the other person and the relationship as a whole. I guess I thought it was the other person's job to be understanding and to put up with me. It most certainly did not occur to me that the other person could have issues and that I would be called on to understand and put up with them. Needless to say, that mind set did not work well at all.
It's been my observation of myself and others that there are issues that really have a big negative impact on relationships. For example, I was a very fearful person and as soon as I was in a relationship a lot of my fears got transferred to the person I was with. I was defensive, irritable, and suspicious. I've noticed that I was not alone in this - that many people seem to have this problem. Another example: I was emotionally immature and thought that the other person was supposed to somehow be my unconditionally loving parent. Oh boy! That does not work!
So, what to do? Well, the only thing I know that will work is to get help to resolve fears and to grow up emotionally so that we can stand on our own two feet and be a contributing, loving member of a relationship. Help comes in all sorts of ways - a good, professional counselor that will help us see ourselves in new ways, a program of spiritual growth that gives us trust in a power greater than ourselves so that we can stop trying to make other people our parents, and information about how to treat other people.
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