I wish I had that
piece of my mind
back now.
They didn't want it
anyway.
And now I just
feel foolish.
No wonder
with such a big
piece of my mind
missing.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Two Ding-a-Lings Don't Make a Bell!
Not only do two Ding-a-Lings not make a bell; a rooster and a hen don't make a farm. I heard these sayings in a meeting the other night. They are funny, easy to remember and most of all, TRUE! I love it. So here's another thing that it's really, really a bad idea to do in relationships: go into a relationship with all your issues unresolved.
In trying to remember what I thought about my problems that I knew I had going into relationships, I am a little stumped because I didn't really think about it at all. I don't remember that I was ever taught or even heard that it would be a great idea to think about my issues and how they might affect the other person and the relationship as a whole. I guess I thought it was the other person's job to be understanding and to put up with me. It most certainly did not occur to me that the other person could have issues and that I would be called on to understand and put up with them. Needless to say, that mind set did not work well at all.
It's been my observation of myself and others that there are issues that really have a big negative impact on relationships. For example, I was a very fearful person and as soon as I was in a relationship a lot of my fears got transferred to the person I was with. I was defensive, irritable, and suspicious. I've noticed that I was not alone in this - that many people seem to have this problem. Another example: I was emotionally immature and thought that the other person was supposed to somehow be my unconditionally loving parent. Oh boy! That does not work!
So, what to do? Well, the only thing I know that will work is to get help to resolve fears and to grow up emotionally so that we can stand on our own two feet and be a contributing, loving member of a relationship. Help comes in all sorts of ways - a good, professional counselor that will help us see ourselves in new ways, a program of spiritual growth that gives us trust in a power greater than ourselves so that we can stop trying to make other people our parents, and information about how to treat other people.
In trying to remember what I thought about my problems that I knew I had going into relationships, I am a little stumped because I didn't really think about it at all. I don't remember that I was ever taught or even heard that it would be a great idea to think about my issues and how they might affect the other person and the relationship as a whole. I guess I thought it was the other person's job to be understanding and to put up with me. It most certainly did not occur to me that the other person could have issues and that I would be called on to understand and put up with them. Needless to say, that mind set did not work well at all.
It's been my observation of myself and others that there are issues that really have a big negative impact on relationships. For example, I was a very fearful person and as soon as I was in a relationship a lot of my fears got transferred to the person I was with. I was defensive, irritable, and suspicious. I've noticed that I was not alone in this - that many people seem to have this problem. Another example: I was emotionally immature and thought that the other person was supposed to somehow be my unconditionally loving parent. Oh boy! That does not work!
So, what to do? Well, the only thing I know that will work is to get help to resolve fears and to grow up emotionally so that we can stand on our own two feet and be a contributing, loving member of a relationship. Help comes in all sorts of ways - a good, professional counselor that will help us see ourselves in new ways, a program of spiritual growth that gives us trust in a power greater than ourselves so that we can stop trying to make other people our parents, and information about how to treat other people.
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
Becoming More Myself
I just realized today that my studies and my spiritual practices are coalescing into a pattern. This happens all the time, but I'm always surprised! I'm not sure how many years I've been "studying" now. It's probably around 30 years. I've always been a reader from the time I was a little kid. Since my parents were big readers, I just accepted massive amounts of reading as the normal pastime.
In the beginning I just read whatever seemed interesting and entertaining at the time. After I came into recovery I began to notice that my reading gravitated, without my conscious thought, to whatever I seemed to need at the time. When I came across something that really spoke to me, I read it several times and took notes - which is why I call it "studying."
For a long time I read mostly about practical things like money and time management. I had sooo much trouble with those things and needed education badly. I probably read hundreds of books on organization, money and time management, how to clean a house, how to be a good, efficient cook, nutrition, etc. I now feel, and have felt for quite awhile, very well educated in those areas.
In the past few years I've realized that I am drawn to information about the potential for growth we have as human beings. Recently I've read several books on the mind/brain capability. Famous ancient people have always said (without, of course, any scientific proof whatsoever) that we (humans) are capable of using our mind/brains to create our bodies, our lives and our experiences. That we are not at the mercy of forces outside ourselves, that we are all connected so that how we think and behave affects the entire world. Now there's a lot of scientific evidence to back this up.
I have a lot more studying to do before I can really put this information to work, but I have enough to make a start. Condensing it into what I would need to do to put it into action, comes out that a very dedicated meditation practice would be the first thing. It seems that all those scientists agree that meditation brings us into contact with the part of ourselves that can re-create ourselves, our lives and our connection with the world around us.
I've just entered the second month of a morning meditation practice that I've been consistent with. I don't notice a lot of change but in small ways I feel more myself. I realize "feeling more myself" is not a very clear description but it's the best I can do right now. I have been through so many changes in the past 7 1/2 years that I have often not felt like myself. The meditation seems to be restoring me to who I used to be or maybe just more in touch with who I am now.
In the beginning I just read whatever seemed interesting and entertaining at the time. After I came into recovery I began to notice that my reading gravitated, without my conscious thought, to whatever I seemed to need at the time. When I came across something that really spoke to me, I read it several times and took notes - which is why I call it "studying."
For a long time I read mostly about practical things like money and time management. I had sooo much trouble with those things and needed education badly. I probably read hundreds of books on organization, money and time management, how to clean a house, how to be a good, efficient cook, nutrition, etc. I now feel, and have felt for quite awhile, very well educated in those areas.
In the past few years I've realized that I am drawn to information about the potential for growth we have as human beings. Recently I've read several books on the mind/brain capability. Famous ancient people have always said (without, of course, any scientific proof whatsoever) that we (humans) are capable of using our mind/brains to create our bodies, our lives and our experiences. That we are not at the mercy of forces outside ourselves, that we are all connected so that how we think and behave affects the entire world. Now there's a lot of scientific evidence to back this up.
I have a lot more studying to do before I can really put this information to work, but I have enough to make a start. Condensing it into what I would need to do to put it into action, comes out that a very dedicated meditation practice would be the first thing. It seems that all those scientists agree that meditation brings us into contact with the part of ourselves that can re-create ourselves, our lives and our connection with the world around us.
I've just entered the second month of a morning meditation practice that I've been consistent with. I don't notice a lot of change but in small ways I feel more myself. I realize "feeling more myself" is not a very clear description but it's the best I can do right now. I have been through so many changes in the past 7 1/2 years that I have often not felt like myself. The meditation seems to be restoring me to who I used to be or maybe just more in touch with who I am now.
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