Tuesday, December 27, 2011


"There are many forms of loss - divorce, incarceration, illness, death, even emotional change.  When I lost the person I loved more than anyone in the world, I was more than devastated, and in my grief, I pushed everyone away...With the help of so many wonderful {program}members who held me and let me grieve in my own way and time...I learned to live with loss with pain, with despair, until eventually I began to feel alive again."  Courage to Change.

This is the seventh Christmas after the wreck when I lost the love of my life.  I am so grateful that I could mostly enjoy this Christmas season without having to pretend to be myself like I have had to in years past.  I have learned that the world in general finds it difficult to put up with people who are in grief.  We are irrational, irritable, morose, and generally no fun.  They want us to act like ourselves and quit being so self-centered.  I am incredibly grateful for all the program people who expected me to grieve and let me cry as much as I needed to, who expected nothing from me because they knew I had nothing to give.  Because of them, I arrived at a Christmas season with a real smile instead of pretend one.

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