Grief

"There are many forms of loss - divorce, incarceration, illness, death, even emotional change.  When I lost the person I loved more than anyone in the world, I was more than devastated, and in my grief, I pushed everyone away...With the help of so many wonderful {program}members who held me and let me grieve in my own way and time...I learned to live with loss with pain, with despair, until eventually I began to feel alive again."  Courage to Change.

This is the seventh Christmas after the wreck when I lost the love of my life.  I am so grateful that I could mostly enjoy this Christmas season without having to pretend to be myself like I have had to in years past.  I have learned that the world in general finds it difficult to put up with people who are in grief.  We are irrational, irritable, morose, and generally no fun.  They want us to act like ourselves and quit being so self-centered.  I am incredibly grateful for all the program people who expected me to grieve and let me cry as much as I needed to, who expected nothing from me because they knew I had nothing to give.  Because of them, I arrived at a Christmas season with a real smile instead of pretend one.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

Sunday morning meeting by the pond at the park.  This one white duck looks like he feels like I used to feel - out of place.

Went to The Nutcracker ballet with friend, Mary.  Another friend couldn't make it so gave us the tickets!  Kids were getting their pictures taken with characters in the lobby.

My "for awhile" roommate had a bad case of tummy trouble so we went to the minor emergency center.  This is a picture of the room we were in - someone decorated for a soothing effect.

I have a roommate for awhile.  She's figuring out her next step in life.  My silver Christmas tree that stays up all year wasn't quite the Christmas mood she was looking for so she got this little one.  I like it!

Pix

Bob and Mary Ann with their brand new Christmas tree, hanging the ornaments they got from some of the NHS class of '59.

These pix are of the rebuilding of Mary Ann and Bob's neighbors houses after the tornado in Joplin.

Bob is taking a pic while I take one of him and friends

Mary Ann is opening the ornaments classmembers have given her and Bob to replace the ones they lost in the tornado.

Went to see the Muppets.  The Muppets live in the same world as the Star Trek folks.  Good always wins.

Babies

I kind of envision us humans as babies about a year old or less, standing in our cribs, screaming at the top of our lungs, faces red, tears dripping off our cheeks, snot running over our upper lips.  We have poopy diapers and diaper rash.  We are hungry.  It has been a very, very long time since anyone kissed and hugged us and rocked us.  We are wailing with all our might but no one is coming.  Somehow we missed it when we grew into adults and were in charge of ourselves.  Sure enough no one is coming because who we have to rescue us is us. All the blaming and complaining we are doing will never solve our problems. 

So here's what I think...

I think that a whole bunch of people in recovery plus a whole lot of other folks (I'm including myself in this) are just stuck in the emotional development of a one-year old child.  We complain and complain and judge other people and somehow miss it that there are a lot of things we could be doing to solve our own problems.  I had a counselor/therapist tell me a long time ago that when you complain and complain about the same on-going problem over and over and over, it's like a little baby crying and crying and crying so that someone will come and fix the problem.  Babies can't help it.  It's the only thing they're capable of doing.  If someone doesn't come and fix it, they just keep crying louder and louder until they exhaust themselves and then fall asleep. 

From time to time I realize I'm doing this - sometimes it takes me years to see it.  Recently I decided that if I complained about something for more than 24 hours (even just inside my head), I was going to talk to somebody and decide on what action I could take to solve the problem.  I say this a lot, but it's true:  I'm old and I don't have time to waste on fruitless whining.  Since I'm not a baby anymore I can just ask somebody for help if I don't know what to do myself.  Sometimes the solution is to accept what I can't change and turn my attention to something else - preferably something positive.

I see this one-year old behavior everywhere - especially in politics.  It's just sad.  Blaming and complaining don't solve problems.  We're stuck in our grown up bassinets.