Sunday, November 18, 2007

Gratitude

Tis the season for an attitude of gratitude. I'm more familiar with grumpy than gratitude but....

  • I'm glad I survived the wreck. If you had asked me before the wreck if I wanted to die at the same time as Ron, I would have said, "yes." But that was because I was so afraid of losing him. When I woke up in the hospital, I immediately knew that it was his time but not mine and I wasn't afraid. Just terribly sad. I believe I'm here for a reason. I can think of several possibilities but I don't really know. For right now, I'm just focusing on healing and awaiting instructions from a higher power. I miss Ron like hell, like I knew I would, but I'm not afraid to live without him.

  • I am most grateful of all for family and friends. I am still amazed by all the energy and love that has held me up for the past two years. It's never even begun to slack up. I wish I could think of a way to write a story about it. I'm trying but haven't figured out how I want it yet. In this day and age of incredible busy-ness when everyone is overloaded with way, way too much to do, people carved huge chunks out of their lives to be there for me in every conceivable way. They fed me, clothed me, sat with me, cried with me, slept at my house to oversee my middle of the night fears and bathroom visits, cared for my cat, helped me pay my bills and take care of the massive amount of paper work involved after an accident and a death, helped me take a bath, did my laundry, cleaned my house, brought me 12 Step meetings in the hospital and at home, helped me do Ron's memorial (mostly they did it. I didn't do much), gave money to help with extra expenses, took me to the doctor, picked up prescriptions, went to the grocery store, mowed the grass, fixed my house so that I could manage in a wheelchair, took me to meetings, took me out to eat, took me to the movies and just sat around and loved me. Utterly amazing. I'm particularly grateful for my daughters who both had major changes going on in their lives at the time of the wreck - one moved from Virginia to Texas and the other had a brand new baby. They really had their lives disrupted one more time but stood up under it like the tough, loving women they are. I've heard it said that sometimes there's nothing you can do to repay what's given to you except to pass it on. This is certainly one of those times.

More on gratitude later.

1 comment:

Dee said...

Hi Mary Ann,

Thanks for inviting me to your blog. I'm also very grateful that you survived your wreck. You have been such a huge help to me at key moments of my life, but especially in the last few months. I'm not vain enough to think that's why your HP kept you around:-), but I remain grateful!

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