Realizations

Ever since we did the book study on the 6th and 7th steps, I keep having these revelations about my behavior patterns and the thoughts and feelings that go along with them. I almost have a resentment that I haven't seen some of this stuff long ago. Better late than never - I'm trying to be grateful. So, I have recently noticed that I put off getting ready until the very last minute - actually I wait until it's almost too late and then I scurry around like a limping mouse trying to finish everything. I get in the car dripping sweat from the effort, my heart pounding with anxiety lest I be late again. Actually, I've known that I do this for my whole life, but I guess I just didn't see it as something that could be solved. I don't know what I thought. But suddenly I realized that the part of me that wants me to die miserable is responsible for the tortured process I go through. It's perfect. It makes me truly miserable. So....here I am the day before I leave for the wonderful Heart to Heart weekend with almost all of my packing done and I expect to be completely finished shortly. I'm not even going to be held up by the fact that my washing machine quit working while it was full of water. A new day has dawned in my life!!!