Belated 365 Project

My friend, Caryn, saying goodbye after she gifted me with a pedicure and a manicure.

Bonus picture for one of the days I didn't take a picture.

The tree is turning a little more.

Movie night with Kristi and Dee. Cisco is getting his quota of Kristi kisses while we eat the pizza. We watched ONCE - Dee picked it out - and I absolutely loved it.

My neighbor's tree is starting to turn - Just the ends of the branches though.

Grocery shopping at Whole Foods usually means I bring home some flowers. It's my favorite places for flowers.

Dinner with Jack and Eric at a new Mediterranean restaurant. Lovely! Then we went to see David Sedaris and cracked up for two hours. Laughing makes me feel good.

Buddha

It's a long, irrelevant story as to why I was there, so suffice it to say - I was at a huge national interfaith conference that focused on the religions of the world. I spent some time in the small room where the guy representing buddhism was. He explained that it wasn't really a religion. They don't focus on the God idea. It's more of a philosophy about how to live and focuses on kindness.

The representative for Buddhism said there were seven things that every human being experiences, and yet we seem to think that if we do things just right, we'll avoid them. Our effort to avoid these truths causes us endless suffering. Instead, we can accept them since it's a foregone truth that we are all in the same boat and there's no escape. We can, through acceptance, avoid suffering and help each other.

The seven truths:
1) Pain (begins at birth - we all suffer pain as we are born and throughout our lives)
2) Illness (so far no one has escaped being sick)
3) Old age (almost everyone experiences this if we're lucky enough to live long enough, that is)
4) Death (sorry, but we are all going to die)
5) Bereavement (everyone will lose a person or people that we love)

These first five are the main ones but there are two more lesser ones:
6) Violated expectations (we are disappointed nearly every day of our lives when something doesn't go the way we hoped)
7) Failure of happy moments to last (it's one of our grand illusions that in the moments we're happy that there's some way to make them last forever. Not going to happen)

I know people who believe that not thinking about these truths will make your life more positive. Unfortunately, when these people come face to face with one of these truths in their own lives, they usually completely come apart and suffer badly. Just to be clear, I'm not suggesting that it's a good idea to keep thinking about these truths every minute of every day. I don't believe acceptance requires that. But as the world goes on and I see these truths reflected in my life and other people's lives, I can say to myself, "there it is again." I certainly have not escaped grief by accepting that death is a part of life, but I have escaped the unnecessary suffering caused by believing that it shouldn't have happened, or that I've been singled out by the Universe for special torture, etc. Plus, the acceptance and the awareness I have help me prioritize my life. In the end, love and compassion are all that really matter. I don't remember this all the time, but often enough to have a lot of peace.

Not "Getting Over It"

My trip to the library last week included an encounter with a woman who was in one of the after care (after chemical dependency treatment) groups I facilitated as a volunteer over 20 years ago. I know she was a family member, not a patient, but that's all I really remember about her - except that I liked her. She said that her husband had died unexpectedly about 5 years ago. She added that she was doing well - that we don't "get over" a significant death like that - we just get used to it. I thought that was the best way of putting the truth that I've ever heard. I used to get secretly very angry when I heard that I was supposed to "get over" the deaths of important people in my life. I thought that they were crazy to say that - that they obviously had never experienced what I had. I was probably right. I am not plagued by overwhelming grief every day but that's because I've gotten used to the loss. But I still think about those people nearly every day and I still miss them every single day. What else should we expect if the people we lost were wonderful people?

365 Project

Kale is something we're supposed to eat. But people have taken to planting them for beauty. These are in front of the bank.

The nearest public library. I love public libraries. Right now I'm loving audio books.

This picture represents a couple of things: 1) it's time for the fake mink bedspread (Cisco's favorite) because the weather has changed and 2) I spent a couple of days here to recover from walking around the fair. I really, really hate this having to rest thing.

I've been trying to get my hair dresser to let me have a perm for years. Finally I succeeded in getting my way!

The Forest of Peace (formerly Osage Monastery) is where I spent the day yesterday. I've had this visit on my to do list for over 10 years. It is a most amazingly beautiful place which seems to hold a connection with Love.

I am not feeling very happy. This was women's meeting Sunday and we had very few again this time. There were more than this picture shows but it felt awfully empty to me. I'm thinking it may be time to take a year off or just quit. I would miss it terribly but sometimes it's time for a change. We've been doing this since 1995 which is a long time to be consistent. It may be time for me to do something different.

Transformation

I've been listening to an audio book from the library in the car. (An attempt to use my time more wisely.) I don't really like the book - it's way too dogmatic and annoyingly righteous. On the other hand, I keep listening because it has some ideas that give me pause for thought.

One of these ideas is the explanation of the difference between self-improvement and transformation. Transformation, according to the author, and according to me, is a complete reorganization of the personality, outlook, and heart of the person. Transformation doesn't happen because the person decides to make it happen. It only happens as a result of the person's willingness to be transformed by an outside force for good (some people would say God).

The process of transformation includes painful facing of the truth about oneself and willingness to take the action to change. Self-improvement usually just means smaller, somewhat superficial changes like losing weight, getting more organized, developing a talent, etc. Not that these things aren't good - they're actually wonderful. It's just that they don't add up to transformation. In my recovery program it's called a psychic change. To one degree or another, people who experience this seem to be and are different people.

365 Project Week of September 29

The visitors are trying to decide what to have for Sunday breakfast at Phill's before they hit the road.

The golden driller in front of the fairgrounds at the Tulsa State Fair. He has a fair tee shirt on. I wish I had seen the process of putting that tee shirt on him.

A view from the skyride at the Tulsa State Fair.

Rebecca and boyfriend, Josh, with a bull with amazing horns. I have not earthly idea what kind of cattle designation this thing belongs to. Wow! Bec and Josh had never been to a fair before so they got to see this on their very first one!

Some days are just better than others for taking pictures. This is Fred, the motorcycle dog, with his owner at Utica Square where we stopped at the art fair.

Kristin is having a corn dog at Chimi's with some of the Russell clan, her mother and myself.

Mary and I just had a delightful lunch to celebrate a recent birthday. She looks really happy.

My friend at the Association who is helping us find sponsors for the Out of Africa event. It's a lot less pressure when I'm not in charge!!

I've walked this bridge from the parking lot to the office building where the Alzheimer's Association offices are about a million times. This time I'm walking it to be a volunteer for the upcoming Out of Africa event.

My furnace/air conditioner had a leak and was making a huge wet mess in the house and under the house. But it's fixed now. Yay!! It took a whole day almost but no more mold.

Judgement

A very long time ago, in the first year of my recovery, someone told me about the Course in Miracles. I studied it for about a year and attended a class. I'm not going to tell you that the Course was totally wonderful because I didn't understand the bulk of it, and I had a healthy scepticism about the whole thing. But one thing stuck with me, and I relearn it over and over again.

Basically, the course says that the source of most of our emotional pain comes from our judgements of ourselves, circumstances, and other people. It says that our judgmentalness comes from our egos. We think we know what other people really mean, what their motivations are, etc. And since we are not Gods, we actually have no idea what is really true, but we act on our judgments and cause havoc for ourselves and other people.

I'm usually reminded of this concept when I'm being judged by someone else and I'm sure I'm innocent. I've had this happen several times in my life and it caused me no end of grief. As time has passed, I've begun to realize that I've spent a good deal of time in my life assuming I knew all kinds of things I didn't know and acting on those assumptions. The Course in Miracles says that we should assume that everyone is innocent; including ourselves and that any bad behavior be interpreted as the person acting out fear and needing love. That new assumption will certainly take the rest of my life to integrate, but I would be willing to bet would pay off in a lot of peace as well as a lot of extra time saved when I can do something else besides judge!

365 Project

Dancers at the 50th Reunion edited by Picasa!

365 Project

A portion of the courthouse mural in Neosho. Participants at the 50th high school reunion had a tour of Neosho which included several murals. This is the Big Spring Inn which burned several years ago. But I have happy memories of eating there. You could catch a trout in the spring and have it for dinner.

Dancers at the 50th reunion. I was able to dance a little - yay! See above how Picasa fixed this too dark picture!

This string of tv's inside the front door of Sam's reminds me of a chorus line.

Kristin and Minky ignoring each other at his 38th birthday party. I hope Kristin is old enough to understand him. Right now she seems to just accept him the way he is without questions.

Here's Bridget at her adopted brother's 38th birthday party. She was having a great time!

This one isn't as clear as I would have liked. The object on the right is one of my new coasters with butterflies on them. Dee brought them to me and they are beautiful.

We had an amazing rain storm. I've discovered that it's hard to take pictures of rain!

My former boss, my former staff member and myself at my former staff member's retirement party. It was good to see everyone.

Off we go

In an hour or so I will be on the road to Neosho, Missouri, for my 50th high school reunion. I never was crazy about high school since I was still a miserable person then, but I eventually went to a reunion - I think it was the 25th. It seems as if every time I go I reconnect with friends that I haven't seen since then. It turns out they are just as wonderful now as they were then. So, I'm really looking forward to being there.

Change Update

"Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better." ~Samuel Johnson

"Inconvenience?!!!" Now there's an understatement! At least it is for me. I just revised my to-do/goal list. It takes me such a long time to wake up. I just realized that I've been trying to make changes in order to have more serenity, but the list was of the wrong stuff. I'm changing it to all the things that have been on my to-do list for more than 10 years. I would be willing to bet that I will have a lot more serenity when I've checked those things off the list! I know, I know. Who would have things on their to-do lists for more than 10 years? Besides me, that is. I have no idea. But you have to give me credit for persistence. Never, never, ever give up!!!

Physically I am gradually improving with the new therapy I've been doing. I'm sleeping better and more restfully. I have just a little more energy and so have been able to make more progress with the projects I've dreamed up for myself. One of the new things I've done has loosened up the scar tissue in my injured leg so that I have much more ability to use the muscles. Yay for that. When I include the new ability I have to keep my back in alignment as long as I do daily exercises, I feel close to completely healed. That fact gives me a lot more than some serenity!

365 Project

This is my new roommate who came with Dee. We're rooming together while Dee's house is being remodeled.

Another resting-up-day picture. This is the metal sun that hangs on the wall in my kitchen. When I sit at my kitchen table I face it and am reminded of the light.

This was taken on one of my resting-up-days when my nose didn't even poke outside. When killing time before a 5th night at Utica Square, my friend, Karen, and I visited Pier I. I saw these butterflies made from feathers and had to have some. I had no idea what to do with them. So Eric put some on my tree (not a Christmas tree until December).

I love having some kind of flowers in my yard that I can enjoy in the house too. Otherwise I spend money and bring them home from the store. This is my friend, Kristi, and her beau at the dinner to celebrate her 40th birthday. I don't think she is going to become stodgy and old anytime soon.

Dee on the roof where we had lunch. It was great to be outside!

Tulsa skyline from the roof of the Mexican restaurant where Dee and I had lunch on Sunday.

Sitting Still

"All human evil comes from a single cause, man's inability to sit still in a room."
~ Blaise Pascal

What in the world do you suppose that means? Right now I think for me it means that sitting still gives me rest and opportunity to think. I rested, then I ran around very fast catching up on my to-do list. Then I had to rest again. I think I will make a better decision today!

Resting

"Quietness is a great ally..." ~One Day at a Time

I resist rest. It seems to me that I've always been behind on what I should be doing, and that if I'm resting I shouldn't be. However, the truth of my experience for the past four years is that resting takes up a great deal of my time since my body seems to insist on it. As a result of the Heart to Heart retreat, I've been resting for three days. It can be a good thing. The quiet allows me to get perspective on what I want to do when I'm rested. I'm reminded of my purpose. As best I can, I try to be grateful for the need to rest.

365 Project

After the meeting is over, we write on the balloons a character defect, person, situation we want to give to God or a message we want to send to a loved one who has gone on. Then we let the balloons go with their messages.

On Sunday morning the meeting room is filled with balloons. The next picture will show what happens.

The tables are set for the Saturday night dinner at Heart to Heart.

The beautiful view from the top of the hill where the Heart to Heart campground sits.

Three Tulsa women (me, Laurie and Liz) plus Artis the smarta.... who used to be from Tulsa waiting for the Cinderella Ball on Saturday night at Heart to Heart.

Our charming communal bathroom in the dormitory at Heart to Heart.

The fire in which I burned my "stinking thinking" at Heart to Heart!

On the way out of town to Heart to Heart, we took a tour of some Tulsa archtecture. I think it is art deco.

We're ready for the voters. Where are they?

My co-worker on election day babysitting while parents vote.

Worked the election - primary for mayor and city council. A whole lot fewer voters than in November.

Dinner with Kristin (and Lynn) at Marie Callendars. We colored while we waited for food.

Elections

Yesterday I worked the primary election for Tulsa mayor and city council. The last time I worked was the November election which was like a very large excited party with over 1,000 guests. The time went fast. There was, of course, not as much interest in this election, and there were about 200 plus voters. With Tulsa streets as bad as they are, I thought there might be more interest. I got a little sleepy waiting for people to show up. I also - for some unknown reason - felt uneasy in the company of my co-workers. Whatever. I still enjoyed it. I love Democracy.

"We can learn to believe that we are doing any task as well as we need to do it, at this time. Our job is the effort. The outcome is part of a larger plan, one that involves more than ourselves." ~ Each Day a New Beginning